560

Posting the best strips from the series, in order from the beginning.

Every Wednesday and Friday

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Witches of the Water (The Mermaid’s Curse)

Witches of the Water begins with a couple going at it on the beach, until the siren song lures the man away and the mermaid begins to chew through his neck. Then she turns on the woman. 

It’s a simple enough make up, latex obscuring the  face of a woman clad in a long white gown. She screams and intimidates just fine. On the other end of the title card, we have two men talking about disappearances and and in the area. There’s an old sailor sitting nearby them in the coffee shop who warned them it’s nothing human behind these disappearances. Young man from the paper followed him but can’t get any more information. But on the beach, he sees him, and he can hear her song. Unfortunately, the seller gets it while the reporter is discovering that his ex is sleeping with his friend.

He goes to the beach to mope, and while he’s doing so, he finds a mermaid – though he thinks she’s just a girl on the beach. So he brings her home to try and help, she revives in the bathtub and goes and eats his roommate. In the meantime, the ex-girlfriend wants to make nice and try and make up for the indiscretion… I’m personally hoping that the mermaid eats her next. Useful though, helping us find a website that talked a little bit about the disappearances in the area… It’s the agent Coulson of the Louisa Warren films! The same YouTube that gave us exclamations in some of her other movies. Meanwhile, still searching for the truth, he’s starting to fall in love with the mermaid… Little does he know, she’s not the only siren in these waters, and in love or not, she still can’t control her desire to feed.

So while the reporter’s waking up in bed with a predator, the girlfriends chatting up the sailor again. He encountered them back in the day, and he knows their true origin. You see, there’s a reason why this movie was originally called Witches of the Water insted of the incredibly misleading (but easier to sell) mermaids curse. Think Salem with trials. Something like that. They weren’t trusted by the community. There were rumblings among the populace that they put a spell on the men folk, and then,- trials and execution. They say the women were convicted, though, there’s rumors that the men had their way with them before they drowned them, and this caused such anger and pain and fury that these witches invoked a curse which allowed them to come back and devour the living. I love this origin, almost as much as I love the origin from Louise Warren’s leprechaun. She’s taking very basic mythology and giving it a far more interesting twist and backstory. 

But now, reporter is in thrall and it’s actually up to the ex girlfriend to try and rescue him and banish the witches in the water… an action that might just have longer lasting consequences than she realizes.

This is actually a fascinating character study, with a brilliant new take on the idea of mermaids. I really wish they hadn’t renamed this, because while they’re mistaken for sirens, they’re really not. They’re more Witch than mermaid, and the actresses in these roles know how to emote and communicate without ever saying a word in the film. It’s one of the more effective make ups and monsters that I’ve seen from the director, and a story that sticks with me, far more than a lot of her previous work. It’s good stuff and a serious growth as a filmmaker. Well shucks, now I want A trilogy of THESE movies!

 

 

Belzebuth

We have the US and Mexico border there’s a special team there just to do investigate possession demonic activity. Our story starts in the maternity ward near there,  a very sinister looking nurse locks the door and goes all Stabby on the babies, before cutting her own throat.

OK, you have my attention.

Five years later. School shooting, being investigated by Detective Emanuel, one of those who lost a child at the baby massacre. Mother of the shooter describes an account of her son had with one of them something bad is about to happen… And five more of these incidents were to come. Outside, reporters swarmed the detective, and in the distance, Tobin Bell watches.

The cops asked for help, and in come The paranormal forensics team. In the meantime, we get a second killing, with a spaced out janitor jumping into the public pool with jumper cables attached to her and the electrical outlet

There’s strange things going on at the crime scenes. curious sounds, and prints all over the walls, it’s enough that the detective is beginning to soften and listen to the paranormal forensics team

They consult a psychic, and it all goes spectacularly wrong. A tarot reading, somehow, all the cards come up as the devil. Generally you’re not supposed to take these things literally, but when every one of them is the devil and that’s followed by massive psychic disturbance, knocking and flying things… It may be time to suspect some diabolical influence. It’s definitely enough to spook Detective Emmanuel to the point where he’s sleeping with a gun under his pillow.

The next incident, a bombing at a movie theater, right after a couple of guys, including bell, snatch a kid and runoff in a unmarked van.

Their investigation rules them through a creepy area, tagged with graffiti reading children’s slayer, crazy priest. The investigator asked the detective “do you have faith?“
“In Mexico, even the atheists are believers.“
“The belief isn’t the same as faith… And if things keep up this way, we’re going to need both.“

That’s a great quote. Worth the price of admission all by itself.

In the ruins of the church to find strange markings, things designed to torture demons, and the remnants of an insane priest.
A carriage moves by itself and a babies laugh rings out. Children’s voices chant, and lead them deeper into the building. A broken crucifix comes to life, and a demon speaks through the crumbling statue, as it struggles to free at self from the nails in his hands and feet “It’s almost time for my son to walk the earth” but it’s willing to make a deal… The life of one child and she’ll go away for 1000 years. Or is it just tempting them? It is a spectacular set piece with an explosive climax, leaving them drained and frustrated.

Interestingly enough, it’s Tobin Bell who comes to the rescue. He’s was there to explain the plot. Once every thousand years, the Messiah is reincarnated. And every time, the devil attempts to destroy him as a child, just as he did with Jesus Christ. Bell suggests that the first time he was returning, the child was killed during the crusades. But this time, they have him. Still, the devil is trying to destroy everything around him… Killing the baby that would’ve reincarnated as John the Baptist, reincarnated as Saint Paul. And now his entire mission is to protect this child, that he says is the reincarnations Christ. Get them across the border to a safe place… A monastery that he can grow and develop his power.

Seems to me like that’s the queue for our third act to begin.

Decide the best bet to get the kid to safety is to go through smuggler blue lid and confusing as labyrinth. Full of Catholic skeletons, statues, and nightmares. It is an unholy place, which leads to the detective been possessed.

Tobin Bell initiates the most chill exorcism I’ve ever seen. (but don’t worry, The second try to goes full on gonzo crazy) He’s cool low-key performance consistently conveys more power than any amount of bluster. The lighting plays with the sinister look of the demon possessed Detective forgives Chase as the mother and the Messiah flee into the climax of the film.

It’s a smart film with a lot of interesting ideas. There’s certainly some misreading of the Bible here, but catholic mysticism in the horror movie is always kind of its own thing… Without a lot of resemblance to reality.

Tobin Bell is shockingly good here, in an understanding performance. When is almost tempted to suggest he’s under Used, but really… I think it’s just enough. I’m honestly not quite sure what to make of Joaquin costume. At times he feels wrong as a detective, but he’s exactly the sort of Hawking threat that we need towards the end of the film, and his arrogance and bluster really sell the character.

It’s a good film. It’s exactly the sort of thing that you sign up for Shudder for.

559

Posting the best strips from the series, in order from the beginning.

Every Wednesday and Friday

558

Posting the best strips from the series, in order from the beginning.

Every Wednesday and Friday

Cowboys vs Zombies

The first thing about cowboys versus zombies that strikes me is that it’s not a old Western. It’s set in modern times. It’s still in the remote western town, but the modern setting definitely isn’t what I was hoping for.
After a brief introduction with one of the main characters burying a body, we switch to a house of ill reputed to try and touch base with the rest of our cast.

Despite being modern day, it’s trying very hard to hit all the western tropes. A shoot out in the street, Mysterious mercenary drifter, drunkin Sheriff, even those swinging half saloon doors.

Still, it’s a very talky first half of the movie, and the zombies themselves are wandering on screen towards the town for at least 10 minutes before anyone notices, but when the zombies finally do attack, it’s a welcome relief. The Cowboys pull out guns and blast away in a brilliant fire fight. The digital blood gets distracted from time to time but trick shots and constant gunplay make for an entertaining spectacle. The muzzle flash is a real, and we have a bit of bone and blood in brain spatter across the screen as they retreat back into the saloon where they discuss the backstory.

While I will admit I groaned a little bit when somebody pulled out of katana, the movie was worth a dollar I paid for it. It’s fun for the zombie battles And the third act is bonkers, a relentless and unending zombie battle. but feels like it falls short and its potential.

 

 

85% of the cast is under 25

Bad CGI (common, afterFX, same old blood packs)

Cover misrepresents the movie

Copyright free name that sounds like another franchise (Cowboys vs Aliens)

 

557

Posting the best strips from the series, in order from the beginning.

Every Wednesday and Friday

Zombies vs Strippers

Man, I cannot believe that full moon pictures mockbustered me. When I looked at this package, I mistook this film for zombie strippers – the one with Robert England and Jenna Jamison. When the full moon pictures logo came up, I knew I was in the wrong place.

Full moon is a staple of indie movies, and usually bring surprisingly good quality, but they never ever had a budget that could afford someone like Robert England (maybe Jenna Jamison cameo but I’m not even sure about that!). Still, with a Full moon film, you know exactly what you’re going to get. They play it straight, they take it seriously. However, they also know when exactly to add some humour and lightness.

This is not the sort of zombie movie that is going to change the world, but that doesn’t keep it from being fun. The movie is entirely set at a strip club, though we occasionally get glimpses of the parking lot, for the most part it’s inside the club.the owner is depressed because businesses bad – indeed throughout the entire movie we never see more than a couple of patrons – and he is planning on selling it. In fact, the paperwork has already gone through and tonight is the last night. It probably wouldn’t have any customers at all, if not for the zombie outbreak… Its early stages and no one knows what’s going on yet. A couple of people show up here because the strip clubs they were at descended into chaos, but they are saying is just your normal Friday night. We get further description of what’s going on outside through news reports and our patrons tales of what happened at the previous clubs they attended. Beyond that, it’s very straightforward – zombies show up, somebody gets bitten, zombies beaten back or hidden from, zombies show up again, someone turns… It’s all extremely by the numbers. The zombies here are also very much what we’ve seen before – shambling mumbling “brains! “.

There is nothing new here, but don’t let that turn you off. While you don’t get the social commentary of George Romero, or the gritty post apocalypse of the walking dead, they still take themselves seriously enough to not tip over into the wackyness  of evil dead. While the movie doesn’t really add anything to either the catalogue or the zombie mythology, it also doesn’t take away from it. A box set like this is exactly where it belongs… part of an anthology perhaps. In a set like this it’s going to get more attention than it would on a streaming channel or doing a broadcast on SyFy – in those cases, I can just change the channel. On the other hand , Being a collection like this you won’t feel bad about possibly paying too much for this movie the way you might have if you had bought it for $5 in the dump bin at Wal-Mart.  If this were something that I had rented for a dollar at the local video store on a Saturday night, I’m confident to say I would have walked away satisfied that I enjoy this, and it’s definitely a good sign if this is what I have coming up in the rest of the set.

 

 

85% of the cast is under 25

Mostly one location

Copyright free name that sounds like another franchise (Amityville, Ouija, ect)

Mockbuster

 

Halloween : The Curse of Michael Meyers

I was still in college when Halloween : the Curse of Michael Myers came out. I remember that I was working at a Wendy’s at the time, and one of my coworkers came in just raving about how great the movie was.

“Michael Myers doesn’t play!“ He gushed about the blood and gore and how scary The film was. Now, I’ve never been a Halloween guy. Michael Myers doesn’t do much for me, I’m far more the Freddy Krueger. Still, with this ringing endorsement from my burger flipping compatriot, I was sold on giving this franchise a chance. So I went out and got a copy of Halloween six. (I always confuse this and think that it’s Halloween 5 for some reason… It’s really the first one without a number behind the title, and it is indeed the fifth Michael Myers adventure, perhaps that’s why).

In any event, this is really not the movie to introduce Michael Myers to someone. Also, my coworker and I had different standards for “lots of blood and gore“. Still, Michael is brutal enough here and there, and as a newcomer I just assumed the whole “cult of thorn” thing was always part of the mythology (actually, it’s sort of is. If you’ve ever read the novelization of the first movie, you’ll find the author spends a good third of the book tying Michael into some dark northern mythology, as a repeating ghost and the avatar of a cult. It’s not hard to see where they got the idea from.)! I have no idea who Tommy Doyle was though, and while I could infer who this old dude chasing Michael down was, he seemed like an odd choice for the action hero of the piece.

The Curse of Michael Myers is really about trying to delve into some sort of backstory for Michael. It begins with a young woman running out of some underground bunker, having just given birth. Michael

Myers follows her, in his slow methodical walk. A tattoo of a Celtic rune is on his wrist. She flees to a bus station but there’s no buses coming, only Michael. She hides the baby, just before Michael finds her and goes all Stabby on her. In the meantime, there is no Halloween in Haddonfield and yet in his lonely upstairs apartment, Paul Rudd prepares for the festival, and watches the Myers/Strode house just in case an estranged masked visitor shows up. Indeed he does, shortly followed by his pursuer, Dr. Loomis and now it’s time to try and put Michael away for good… In the meantime discovering the origin of his invincibility and white coat keeps coming back- A druidic order called the cult of the thorn.

Of course the real reason to watch this movie… There’s two really. First and foremost is Paul Rudd in a very early appearance. Like I said, I was in college when this thing came out. 20 years later, Paul Rudd is playing Ant-man and he has an aged a day. Maybe he’s the one secretly rejuvenated by a Celtic cult hmmmmmm? He’s not at the height of his powers yet. Not quite as funny as we used to him, but his easy-going charm is definitely present here, and the film goes out of its way to exploit it. He’s turned into an almost immediately trustworthy character, which helps as we join his quest to destroy Haddonfield‘s least favorite son.

The other reason to watch this is obviously Donald Pleasence recurring his role as Dr. Loomis… and doing so for the final time. The presence of pleasance always manages to elevate even the most meger fair… even when he’s phoning it in as he does here. But Moore importantly, much like the Phantasm films eventually turned into sort of, family reunions… A chance to hang out with Reggie and Mike and Bill and Don and Angus… So too, the Halloween films have absorb the same quality. It’s a chance to hang out with familiar faces in old friends like Donald Pleasence.

Of course, a lot of his old friends were absent. And that’s really The dilemma of this film. If you’re new coming in here, this is a terrible entry point. But if you’re a veteran of the Halloween series, you’re likely to be kind of pissed about what they’re doing here. The supernatural origins for Michael don’t really sit well with a lot of purists, and to see Jamie Lloyd so brutally destroyed and discarded, it’s heartbreaking. Even more so when you consider they’ve thrown some no-name actress in the role instead of bringing back Danielle Harris.

Halloween six is an uneven film at best, at worst it comes off a lot like some weird fanfiction that somehow made it to the screen. And yet, I can’t entirely dissuade you from seeing it. For fans, at least it’s one more ride, one more adventure. It’s another trip to the well, even if the water in that well has gone a little stale.

 

Tomorrowland

Does anybody else remember going out to see explorers, flight of the navigator, the last starfighter or the goonies as a child? It seems like back then there was an endless stream of adventure films featuring kids for kids arriving at the local cineplexes that we could go to see with their families period it’s not like that any more,today it feels like it’s all franchisees period it’s the latest superhero film, or the latest trend, the craze Harry Potter or hunger games or Twilight. It’s another derivative computer-generated cartoon with the same plan as last five.  remember the two Coreys? Could such a phenomena and even exist in today’s cinematic universe? I’m not sure . I can’t imagine seeing something like the Dark Crystal or Dragonworld be created today period and that’s why Tomorrowland is so important period we complain of a lot about the lack of originality of lack of creativity in mannered cinema especially when it comes to genre film the service and horror and sci-fi and fantasy get hit with it the most. But have you looked at children’s cinema today? Seriously, as a father I take my kids to movies on a regular basis and it’s so much of the same stuff and I wonder what happened to the kids movie of my day. And that’s why Tomorrowland is so important. It’s the first time in a very long time that I’ve seen a completely original adventure movie for kids, with kids. Something that isn’t trying to set up a franchise, something that isn’t pulling from the latest teen fad, the hottest new young adult novel or most recent comic book. It’s simply a good adventure film, with an original premise period and that’s something that Hollywood at large and Disney in general is sorely lacking. The trailer covers the plot well enough, although I will admit I was frequently wondering what was going to happen next period it’s not as straightforward as it seems . the performances are well done son George Clooney is on his game here which is nice to see, it’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed him outside of the Oceans movie. Our young actresses are perfectly competent and while the film is quite indulgent and CGI it fits within this world. It’s justified by the creativity of the story. I want to encourage everybody to go see this, not just because it’s a good film not just because it’s something safe and entertaining to take the kids to.  I want to encourage everybody to go see this because it’s a genuine attempt at an original idea which makes it so very different from everything else there is out there right now