Here’s the thing, it had already been a strange weekend for me. I got into a lightsaber fight with a Jedi – all I had was a 3 ft candy cane… I got drafted into a zombie movie while I was making breakfast, I showed up for a photoshoot and somehow ended up in a parade and escorting Santa Claus up to a stage. and yet, walking into the Capitol Theater semi-annual secret film – I had no inkling how much weirder it was about to get.
the secret film is Cleveland Cinemas way of announcing they are late shift cult movies for the next 6 months – they package it with something strange Dash and unannounced and practically unwatchable film usually. this time around it was Voyage of the rock aliens. How do I adequately describe this? It’s as if somebody took Greece, Mork & Mindy, and glued it all together with a healthy dose of Devo.
Tthe film begins with a duet between Pia Zadora and Jermaine Jackson (did I mention this is a musical?), complete with a West Side Story Style battle between rival factions. Jermaine vanishes from the story after that, but Pia Zadora is there in full force, hanging off the arm of Craig Sheffer. I’m not sure where you might know Craig from, but I’m familiar with his work with Clive Barker – Nightbreed and Hellraiser : Inferno. in this film he leads a gang called the pack – they’re also a band, and wears a lot of leather ( but not a whole lot of shirts). all of that clearly marks him as the bad guy.
The heroes in this film are a group of Misfits in ridiculous jumpsuits, led by a robot that reminds me a great deal of the one from Rocky 4 – except for the times when he turns into a rolling fire hydrant… Seriously, I told you this was going to be weird. the prologue of the movie explains to us that the aliens are searching for rock music, though the storyline seems to indicate they’re more interested in finding mates to bring back to their world – an unseen utopia rendered emotionless by the jewel stuck in their foreheads.
There are spontaneously choreographed dance routines, New Wave sounds and sights, and Michael Berryman running around with a chainsaw. if that doesn’t sell this film to you I don’t know what will. as bizarre as it was, I didn’t stop smiling through the entire thing – had the Good Fortune to see this with friends. We clapped along with the songs, and softly made fun of the rampant lunacy that pervades this cinematic atrocity. since Sunday they’ve all been searching for their very own copies of this – at ask me all the harder by the fact that this was never released on DVD in the US, Though there are still VHS copies are still to be had if you can locate them. do what you have to, find this film – it’ll change your life.