Hawk : Warrior of the Wheelzone is basically a remix of The Roller Blade Seven (and of course Roller Blade Seven was almost unwatchable to me). This was an attempt to make it more coherent partially for re-release and partially as a response to the renegade producer Tanya York’s unauthorized re-edit that she released as “Legends of the Roller Blade Seven”
I have to admit, the recap on this film is interspersed with a more informative prologue, using clips from the movie that help me understand better what’s going on. Also the music is better. Just fifteen minuets in I can already see a big difference. It’s still absurd mind you. It’s still a movie about leather clad nuns and roller skating ninjas, but I also feel more like I can follow the story…. though I wonder how much of that is just Stockholm syndrome from watching the first one.
Hawk is recruited to go rescue a psychic who has been kidnapped by the evil Pharaoh Joe Estevez. As Donald Jackson’s priest character tells him “You will meet many along the way. Some are angles, some are devils. Sometimes the angels ARE the devils.”
Hawk begins his mystic journey through the desert on his rescue mission, traveling through the desert. Did I mention that there are roller skating ninjas in the desert? Ninjas of all sorts tend to be a Jackson staple. Expect to see more of this as we go along.
While on his journey, Haw encounters a salvage marble yard, the home of Karen Black’s “Psychic (or Not)”. When Black appears on screen it almost legitimizes this as more than just a patchwork piece, but she uses her role to wax philosophical and make out with Scott Shaw.
Joe Estevez chews the scenery as Saint O’Fender. Frank Stallone wears armor. Then the clown appears, complete with background music from The Invisible Man’s banjo.
That’s kind of the problem. The film seems to start with a story but the middle devolves into a random, Zen mess.
I’d honestly been dreading this, but it really is an improvement. (I know I keep saying it, but such is my shock. It’s like, did they deliberately use the WORST takes and just toss them into a blender instead of an AVID?) This time around it feels more like a road movie rather than just an acid trip. At least most of the time. The clown and banjo player are still incomprehensible to me, along with the dancing in the desert and that’s where it really starts to fall apart again but at least it’s more linear. The production values still come off as amateur though, even if Karen Black is there kissing Scott Shaw. The 80 minuet running time makes it more manageable as well, although there’s probably another fifteen minuets that could have been dropped. And that’s the thing, it isn’t necessarily BETTER, is just makes a teensy bit more sense. If you’re going to brave this series, I highly recommend swapping this out with Roller Blade Seven and watching this instead.