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Archive for August 24, 2021

Mother’s Day Massacre

midnighthorrorMV5BMjMzMTc0Njg4NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMTYzMTA2MDE@._V1_We begin Mother’s Day Massacre in the most awkward position possible – From the perspective of a woman in the stirrups at the gynecologist office and diagnosis her STD . Upon receiving the news of her venereal disease, she is off to confront the mistress and her cheating partner… We get a baby scarred by hot bacon grease and a frying pan bludgeon…. and we’re not even five minutes in.

Whiplash forward to present day where were introduced to our Ingenue Doreen and her hapless boyfriend Jim – also his abusive father who ruins their quick nookie session.

We get a bizarre first scene with the pervy dad and we are gynaecologist that seems to be completely unrelated to the rest of the film, other them to disturb and pad the runtime to feature length… And they still only managed to stretch this thing out to 77 minutes

Doreen located Jim’s mother (who abandoned him) on the Internet as his dad’s crudeness escalates.Jim and Doreen head into an abandoned ghost town to locate his mom. A bunch of friends decide to tag along since they’ve heard the town is spooky and there’s good weed growing wild.  We manage to get a doomsayer (slasher trope) – a kid this time – when they stop for gas at a rundown joint that remind me of the general store from pumpkinhead.

Once they get there, they drink beer and then split up to explore the town – always a good idea when you’re in a horror film! They search the unfortunately brightly lit houses looking for places to bang, and find creepy things inside them, like the worst Gloryhole 81JvVEaNr2L._SL1500_ever. That’s when the axe wielding rednecks show up.

The movie isn’t shy about spraying blood everywhere which is a good thing because a redneck father and son team of villains aren’t very visually interesting. This isn’t Wrong Turn with grotesque mutants hunting our city slickers, but rather just a guy in  shades with his retarded inbred song teaming up for murder.

All the kids escaped with some of the weed which causes the rednecks to follow them, so the killing can continue.

This is a sloppy movie. (almost as sloppy as this review) There’s no three act structure, no story arc, just a general idea that’s been laid over the bones of a film. It’s one of those situations where I wonder if the filmmakers had access to a cool location and just decided to try and build a movie around it. Whatever the case, this one fails to satisfy.