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Archive for July 7, 2022

Rivers 9

Looking at the credits for Rivers 9, I see C. Thomas Hall, Vinnie Jones and Jamie Kennedy. Bad. The whole poker motif going on under the credits also gets my attention. I enjoy Vegas style stories.

We got a new casino moving into a small town and sucking all the finances out of it. One of the really squeezed is a car mechanic named Jake Rivers finally takes out his frustrations on the windshield of one of the casino employees well the local sheriff (C Thomas Howell in an audacious wig and fake mustache ) is trying to make time with his wife
Vinnie Jones, the casino owner doesn’t take Carlie to Jakes assaults, and strikes back – burning his home, blocking the roadwith a down tree, and making a bit of a threat to his sister, Who works at the casino as a cocktail waitress.

Solid first act set up. Time for a mechanic to get some payback. He grabs one of the guys that hangs out in the shop and get some to introduce him to the person who installed One of the systems in the casino… You’ll have the blueprints… And… Oh my God. You’re kidding me…”River’s 9”.

Seriously? This is an Ocean’s Eleven mockbuster???

Seriously I can’t believe it took me halfway through the movie to realize it.

They start together of the crew, locals and disgruntled casino employees, and get ready for the heist. Hire an actor to distract the main guy in a poker game while they steal the casino money.

There’s no tension in this poker game. I think this thing needs a score and some drama… Because quite frankly I feel nothing. Then again, there’s not enough attention as our guy climbs through the air ducts to get to the safe room either… We occasionally get a jazzy score in the background, something to evoke Ocean’s Eleven, but the very low tech backwater style of this film is pretty much enough to constantly remind you that this ain’t that.

Ultimately, that’s really the problem. I don’t know who this was made for. In a world where Ocean’s Eleven exists, I don’t know who’s gonna watch this instead. It’s really not fair to compare it either, they such different kinds of movies, but the film invites a comparison in some of the styles that it tries and fails to emulate as well as the name and general mood of the peace. I think this might’ve been better served in trying to give it its own identity rather than piggybacking on a popular franchise… especially with the more action oriented double-cross showdown at the end.  It’s a shame that they went this rout instead of trying to mock buster something they didn’t have any hope of coming close to.