Zombies vs Strippers
Man, I cannot believe that full moon pictures mockbustered me. When I looked at this package, I mistook this film for zombie strippers – the one with Robert England and
Jenna Jamison. When the full moon pictures logo came up, I knew I was in the wrong place. Full moon is a staple of indie movies, and usually bring surprisingly good quality, but they never ever had a budget that could afford someone like Robert England (maybe Jenna Jamison car but I’m not even sure about that!). Still, with a Full moon film, you know exactly what you’re going to get. They play it straight, they take it seriously. However, they also know when exactly to add some humour and lightness. This is not the sort of zombie movie that is going to change the world, but that doesn’t keep it from being fun. The movie is entirely set at a strip club, though we occasionally get glimpses of the parking lot, for the most part it’s inside the club.the owner is depressed because businesses bad – indeed throughout the entire movie we never see more than a couple of patrons – and he is planning on selling it. In fact, the paperwork has already gone through and tonight is the last night. It probably wouldn’t have any customers at all, if not for the zombie outbreak… Its early stages and no one knows what’s going on yet. A couple of people show up here because the strip clubs they were at descended into chaos, but they are saying is just your normal Friday night. We get further description of what’s going on outside through news reports and our patrons tales of what happened at the previous clubs they attended. Beyond that, it’s very straightforward – zombies show up, somebody gets bitten, zombies beaten back or hidden from, zombies show up again, someone turns… It’s all extremely by the numbers. The zombies here are also very much what we’ve seen before – shambling mumbling “brains! “.
There is nothing new here, but don’t let that turn you off. While you don’t get the social commentary of George Romero, or the gritty post apocalypse of the walking dead, they still take themselves seriously enough to not tip over into the wackyness of evil dead. While the movie doesn’t really add anything to either the catalogue or the zombie mythology, it also doesn’t take away from it. A box set like this is exactly where it belongs… part of an anthology perhaps. In a set like this it’s going to get more attention than it would on a streaming channel or doing a broadcast on SyFy – in those cases, I can just change the channel. On the other hand , Being a collection like this you won’t feel bad about possibly paying too much for this movie the way you might have if you had bought it for $5 in the dump bin at Wal-Mart. If this were something that I had rented for a dollar at the local video store on a Saturday night, I’m confident to say I would have walked away satisfied that I enjoy this, and it’s definitely a good sign if this is what I have coming up in the rest of the set.
The last man on Earth
This is hardly my first time watching the last man on Earth, but since it’s a part of this is that it seems like a good time to revisit it anyhow. What strikes me about this film is how ordinary Vincent Price works that he is just this… Guy. I mean, seriously he looks like just another 40-year-old man, and his house is immaculate . It looks more like a home my grandparents lived in, then a last safe house in the world in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. Of course these aren’t exactly zombies… They’re vampires, although that’s made way more clear in the book then it is in the film. One of these days as I should really get around comparing and contrast in the books and films, but I digress.
As far as this one goes, they’ve stayed pretty close to the source material.it’s missing some of the sensuality, and a little bit of the science… But the basic structure of the book and the surprise ending, all of the details are all present here. I’m always surprised at how this film doesn’t really get old. I got a copy of this on the double feature with House on Haunted Hill, and Last man on Earth consistently feels more fresh, or entertaining. It’s a gem in this collection, and really deserves more recognition and respect then it gets.
I eat your Skin
When it comes to old time voodoo zombies, I’m a fan. From White Zombie to films like this… Although I’ve got to wonder, of all the public domain ones out there why they chose this one? I think i’d actually have liked Mantan moorlands “king of the zombies” netter. I mean, if you’re going to kinda cheat on a box set like this and stick in some public domain stuff, I personally want to go at the best… Maybe it’s the name, the name is quite shocking although I’ve personally always wanted to see this done in a double feature with “I drink your blood ”
Still, this one is nice pick… It’s typical of 50’s B-movie schlock ( i know it was made in the 60’s but it really LOOKS 50’s) and the ping-pong ball eyes are a classic favourite of mine. The story is fairly simple. White man accidentally creates the formula for zombies from snake venom and a dash of voodoo and things go downhill from there. In the end, this is not a film that I generally seek out, but at the same time I’m not likely to turn it off if it’s going to show up being hosted by my favourite horror hosts. Let’s face it, this one was included on the set for padding and not much else.
Die-ner
Diner is well acted well put together – the only thing that’s missing here is the story. I was surprised by the serious tone here… They’re very much playing it straight and I’m not sure I get it. With a name like die ner (get it?) it seems like the makers of this film had a self referential sense of humour and I thought that would come through in the movie itself . No such luck – this entire thing is played pretty deadly earnest. We have a killer who has already murdered the cook and waitress in the establishment but patrons come in before he can make it to get away. . We’re given no explanation for why the dead walk, but they are standard zombies. Shanbling, flesh eating, nothing to see here. Our killer occasionally pontificates on the meaning of life and our couple is just screamingand freaking out. Like I said, the actors here are all competent – the editing is fine, there’s just no story here. There is no rhyme or reason to anything. It would fit right in with an episode of a Walking Dead anthology series, as part of a bigger world but standing alone,it fails to satisfy.
Destined To be Ingested
I’m at a complete loss to figure out what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish with this one. It’s obviously a throwback movie, and there are heavy influences from Fulchi’s Zombie and Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes here (I hear people say Cannibal Holocaust, but I really don’t see it….I think they’re reading too much into the title), with the setting, and the dubbing but beyond that I’m not sure what they were doing. If they were going for horror, they failed. It’s not scary in any real way. If they were going for parody, they also failed there too – it’s not funny or clever. It’s not really an exploitation film. At best it’s a hollow imitation of a grindhouse movie, but without the exploitation elements that keep those interesting.
A group of tourists on a boat end up on a deserted island. Sometimes there are cannibal natives (The whitest, most Caucasian looking barbarians this side of Iowa). One of the natives takes a shine to one of our characters and about halfway though it turns into a weird cannibal lifetime channel movie… Yes, I realize, this sounds inconceivable. Imagine my disbelief as I watched. Especially when the undead zombies arrive in the last ten minuets.
There’s no character development, and these people don’t really even have the substance of caricatures. The kills are uninspired and uninteresting. I’ve seen student films do far better with far less.
Perhaps the title should have warned me, but I’ve seen plenty of good movies with dumb titles. This isn’t one of them. I’m going to say just flat out skip this one.
River of Darkness
This should be awful.
I mean it. The credits started rolling and up comes Kurt Angle’s name. Then Kevin Nash’s.then another wrestler…and another wrestler…. Crap, this is a wrestler movie???
It shouldn’t work, but then again, we don’t watch horror movies for the Oscar worthy performances do we? The wrestlers give a serviceable showing in their roles and are joined by some Romero alumni. I recognized the late Bill Hinzman’s name in the credits ( he was the very first zombie in Night of the Living Dead) and quickly recognized Dawn of the Dead Alumni Joe Shelby and Nick Tallo. We even get a shot of the old crypt and the graveyard from Night of the Living Dead.
I’m surprised at how much I like this. It’s a nightime movie about a group of wrongfully lynched hicks who return – bearing more of a resemblance to ghosts than zombies. Whatever they are, the monsters have a great look to them and the carnage they wreak is bloody, gory and enormous fun. The film manages to create a spooky atmosphere, very reminsant of the Fog with the monsters reminding me a great deal of the Blind Dead. It’s that kind of movie. The killing and the gore start almost immediately, and it didnt take long before I was totally on board.
River of Darkness was one of the more pleasant discoveries on this box set and a perfect example of why I still buy these things!
Ashes
I’m not sure Ashes shoud really be considered a zombie film…it certanly dosen’t WANT to be one.What it really aspires to is a medical drama with some dire overtones. What it ends up being, is a melodrama with medical overtones and a zombie tmen tacked on to the final ten minuets (and considering this thing is a full hour and a half, that’s a BAD balance).
We have a doctor who comes on a stunnning new cure, but is it really the cure it seems? We have long pontificanting discussions and grim scenes involving microscopes and blood tests. It’s just far too ovverblone with such poor pacing, you’d lose me altogether with a lesser cast.
Our actors are good and the film has a polished professional look. I can see that they are going for more of a “Fear the Walking Dead” type of prequel. Most zombie films leave the origin of the virus a mystery, while this one it’s the entire focus. Sadly, it’s not more engaging. If you have subtitles and fastforeward, this might have some appeal. But know going in, it’s a slow, hammy and there’s no zombies until the very, very end.
Mortuary
My first thought when I saw this, was “cool! Denise Crosby is in this! ”
I wonder if anybody ever asks her about this one? Her inclusion in the movie actually makes it feel a little bit more like pet semetary– and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I guess Mortuary is basically a stylised zombie story? There is a findish sort of moss that turns people into the walking dead – you don’t necessarily have to be bitten either. I almost feel like we also have a kind of Lovecraft story going on with a vast monster hiding behind the mortuary itself. This is a solid fun horror film – it’s not going to win any awards and the 90s CG I is actually looking pretty dated, but it’s forgiveable because of the period and because they’re trying to create something that looks otherworldly done kinder in the way that stop motion is forgiveable on monsters because we knows? Maybe that’s just the way they move down there some fun make-up choices here as well – green beans on action faces things that point back to the plant-based nature of this infection doesn’t think kind of the Stephen King segment show. I like this that it’s probably one that upload again or have running at a Halloween party… I’m not convinced that it’s the best offering in this sad, but it certainly one of the highlights.
Autumn
On to our next set – also a zombie collection with a very Walking Dead cover.
Autumn has some good ideas. I genuinely like the concept where we see the evolution of the Zombie.
It starts off in urban England which gives it an initial 28 days later feel, but soon moves out to the country and we gt far more of a Night of the Living dead vibe. Forget the cover art by the way, it’s not the sci-fi epic about a plague that the cover would suggest. We don’t really see alot of it, we see more of that first shelter that the survivors are huddled in. We see the first zombies, wandering aimlessly…not eve noticing other people…..not hungry. Not yet.
As the film goes on, we se the zombies start to develop senses, becoming triggered by sound and light. as time passes, the hunger kicks in and they become the real threat 
we’re used too. The progression is original and fascinating.
If this movie has a real problem, it that it’s too long, and WAY too talky. It’s a melodrama in the extreme and would really benefit from some judicious cutting of some of those dialogue scenes. I understand how we got here, the film is based on a book and there’s a LOT of ground to cover. From everything I’ve heard, it’s really true to the source material. Still I think it could have been streamlined into something a bit better paced. This is definitely one to watch, but you need to be prepared for a long somewhat PBS style zombie film and be in the mood for more philosophy than horror.
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